Memories, Mine and Theirs
by Tamora Pierce Junior
Summary: A slightly sad fic from Daja's POV talking about the memories she shares with her foster family. Please read and review!


**Sad little one-shot from Daja's POV **

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It hurts, Trader log it it hurts. It hurts that I feel my pain, and that I feel the pain of my three closest friends as well.

Sandry watched them die. She watched her whole family as they were wiped out and heard the sound of the person who was closest to her murdered. How did she survive? I don't know.

I have seen it replayed in her head over and over. Once, only once her only candle was blown out by the wind. She gave a soft whimper. And in her mind I saw the room. I heard the sound of Pirisi's screams. I felt Sandry's fear as the mob passed by the door. Where she was was almost completely dark, but for a single ray of light coming from a lamp. In her mind I saw the wick was too short. Soon, very soon it would go out. I could feel her terror at the thought.

Then there are the times we caught her crying. When questioned she told us it was her mother's birthday or the anniversary of the day they died. We knew at once what was wrong because she was reliving it. I held her. I sat on the floor with my arms around her. Tris sat beside us and rubbed her back murmuring, comforting her. Looking over my shoulder I saw Briar, standing there looking shocked. For one moment I was worried he was ashamed or disgusted at her weakness, and then I saw the pain. Briar wasn't ashamed of her. He was living it with her.

Tris doesn't cry, she doesn't complain, she doesn't talk about it. She broods. All three of us have come to know the face that she pulls when she thinks of her family. Sometimes I think she hates all of them. Then I remember her capacity to forgive. When Aymery came I saw the pain in her eyes. He reminded her of her parents and, even when she knew he was a traitor. She mourned him. I also remembered the tenderness she shows to animals. Particularly her first bird, the starling Shriek was named for a reason but she still loved him. Once, she showed that love to people as well. Her family took that away from the world.

Briar is a whole other story in terms of family. I don't think he remembers his mother enough to be truly sad for her. No, Briar's pain comes from Gyongxe.

I have seen that too. Even though I've never been there, even though I actually see it, never met the people, I still feel the pain. Every time he relives the screams and what he did to save his friends I feel it too.

A regular nightmare of his is the day Rosethorn nearly died. A boy should never have to save his teacher and Briar has done it twice. I don't think he knows but she is almost a mother to him. The only reason he doesn't know is that he never knew what it really felt like.

While the others sought comfort in each other Briar got it from women. He doesn't need that any more. The memories have not faded but he has learnt to deal with his fear. Some days he still wakes up with bloodshot eyes or bleeding palms where his fingernails have dug into his skin. That's when we know he's had a bad night. On these days he visits his _shakan_ for much longer than usual and we know he is checking on Rosethorn.

And me? My story is just as miserable as the others. My whole family wiped out in a single storm. My nightmare is floating in the ocean certain that I am about to die. I have no fresh water and no food. Then I see the _suraku_. I reach out my hand towards it and try to grasp it, but it is just out of my reach. When this really happened I called to the box and the metal responded, it was my first deliberate act of magic. In real life the _suraku _glided slowly and deliberate across the water towards me, until I could reach it. In my nightmare my magic does not work. The _suraku _stays just out of my reach and, in straining to reach it I let go of the crate that saved my life and sink. The water closes in around me and I fall into the darkness.

But that is not all. After all, I have seen much worse than that. I have seen entire households killed from the pox and a small girl locked in a cupboard for months on end. I have been shoved from household to household by my own family. I have torn a ship apart with my magic and consciously killed countless people. I have torn apart a noble's house with vines and plants. I have torn people apart with thorny rose bushes and fought beside my teacher and my student both of whom I love.

No, my nightmare is nothing compared to theirs and that helps me live with what I have actually seen. I can't say it's pleasant to see those things but with my brother and sisters' help I can live through it and I can help them do the same.

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**Hope you like it, please review. **

**TPJ! **

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